I Don't Know How to Feel About This

This is not gonna be a happy post. At all. But I feel like I need to write it out somewhere.

Today has been... like a cold shower. And I don't mean that in the 'ooh, how refreshing!', I mean in an unpleasant way. More like when a really hot, lovely shower suddenly turns freezing cold.

A woman jumped from the third floor. In the middle of the busy Birmingham Bull Ring shopping centre. Just as my sister and I were walking through.

It was horrible. It actually makes me feel like my skin is crawling just thinking about it. I remember my heart just clenching as I realised what I'd just seen out the corner of my eye. I didn't know and still don't really know how to react to seeing something like that. Are you supposed to just continue with your day of shopping as if nothing happened or what? My hands were actually shaking for a good half an hour afterwards. I didn't even know this woman. I dread to think...

I think I just don't understand the motivation or need to do something like that. Especially in such a public place. I mean, children were around. I just have never been in that kind of headspace. Sure, I've had bad times where I just want to curl up and hide away from everything, but I've always found something to smile about. I don't think I ever want to understand.

I suppose it has put into stark focus how important those hotlines are, and how essential it is that mental health issues are picked up by the right people.

The Trevor Project - 1-866-488-7386 (US)
Samaritans - 08457 90 90 90 (UK)
IMAlive - https://www.imalive.org/about.php (Anywhere textchat)

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